indelible-phobia

I will close my eyes, my ears, and open my mouth to the song of the dead. For I have lost you among nothingness and wish to feel your breath on my lips once again. I strive with open arms to the livid, entrancing dreams, hoping, waiting, for that day when you come back to me. It's naive, isn't it? To feel as though you're never alone; always watched by some unseen force protecting you. I feel that way in my sleep, when I dream of distant mountains, and the gurgling of some far off stream. With elk and the proud wolf, stalking its prey without fail. As you have stalked me. There are times, when, out of fea

Death is such a trivial thought; at least, for mankind. Each person has a limited time to live, and some even say that it's a reason to rejoice. Rejoice life. I suppose I can't say the same for myself. It's hard to say whether I enjoy the thought of oblivion more than I do life. Right now, though, the thought is so appealing. Suspended in nothing, and not having to worry about anything. I think I could stay that way forever. Then again, death is for eternity.

I've lost myself in a sea of confusion. I suppose that it was you that made me this way. The way you loved me. The way you hated me. I should have know from the start that you would be trouble. But I loved you, no matter what. The heart wrenching pain, the well seasoned laughs. All of these things got to me. I'm sorry, but tonight, I've chosen. My identity, well, I'm no longer who I used to be. The carefree, happy-go-lucky girl you once remembered so well, she's gone now, thanks to you. I just hope you know that I've never been angry. Infact, I       still                  love                      

There's nothing left for you to break. All I am now is a broken doll, the strings now fully detached. I can't stand on my own. I've always wondered how it was that I used to be so strong. I always wonder why I feel so fragile now. Perhaps it's all your fault. but it's always been my nature to try and defend you, even from myself. [Because I love you so damn much, and you don't even realize it.]

I wonder what it will be like a hundred-million-years from now, our corpses no longer fresh. I wonder what the world will look like, how you, if we could live forever, would look amongst the landscape. I'd like to think that everything will be different. the grass will be greener, the heavens a vibrant blue, lilies in full bloom. it would be heaven only if you were to stand by my side. [it looks as if nowadays I spend more time thinking about you, rather than on things I should be focusing on in the first place. I don't know what to do with myself.]

august 19, dear... self? i'm not exactly sure of how to start this; i never really was good with keeping track of things like this. i end up losing myself halfway through it, and don't take into account that i've gotten off-topic. i wonder if that's normal. but normality doesn't matter now; if anything, i'm the farthest thing from normal, in the sense of the word. but many people say that. i'm merely one of the others that wish to be independent. but, first things first. i'm myself. nothing more, and nothing less. all i wish to be is myself. but i'm not sure of where that person is. i suppose i'm writing this right now so that i can

Nothing has ever felt more unreal than this moment. Lying on your back in the cool rocks of the playground. You stare at the sky; you can't help but feel tiny in comparison. What are you? Humanity? Humanity is nothing to the world. If it feels like it, nature can wipe us out in a blink of an eye. Don't get cocky, child, because you aren't invincible. Barricades can't stop the future. Destiny, we call it, won't stop for anyone. Our fate is already decided. And hopefully you've done what you want with your life. [So don't waste your breath, dear, live like the dead would if they had another chance, breathing in the

I guess I'm human. I       get                  upset                                too. I'm not so strong as to try and stand without ever falling. I'm not invincible,           but sometimes,                    I think you think so. you confuse the hell out of me. I sometimes wish I was  as strong as I may  seem. I sometimes      wish I would      tell someone.            you.

I wanted to look into your eyes with a sense of reassurance rather than the heart-wrenching pain you made me experience today. I was scared; you only proved my fears. I hate that things turned out that way. I hope you know that I spent hours lying in bed, only to have tears spill over every time I tried to look up. Every time I tried to sleep, you were all I could see. You broke my heart. I broke yours. I guess... You didn't understand. At least, not at first. I'll keep trying, then; you'll see. I'm not trying for my own sake, but rather,              

I've always wondered what it would feel like to be dead. A rotting corpse beneath the stone-cold earth, achingly so, the maggots crawling beneath your skin. A new meal; the end of a life. But it's not death that instills fear in its victims. Oh, no, honey. It's the fear of loss. It's the fear of nothing. Even the bravest cower before the hand of fate; however, the compassionate, the empathetic, the willing... They, of all people, embrace the thought with open arms, not knowing what exactly will come next. The future wraps itself around the broken. Suffocation comes next. Then the feeling will settle upon y